sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
