drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
