I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
