she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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