Do you still have your period?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
