So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
