I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
