somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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