She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize