watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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