saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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