my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
