She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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