I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
