I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
