Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
