I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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