I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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