i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
