Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
