anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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