Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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