my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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