It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
