She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
