Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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