Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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