so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
