Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
