Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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