think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
