I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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