I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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