She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I checked into jail on foursquare
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
