By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
