When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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