I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
