you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
