this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
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The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
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The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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