I accidentally had phone sex last night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
