chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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