i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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