I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
