You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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