i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is the high leading the old right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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