weddingsv make me drug and hornr
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
