Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
