As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
