Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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