woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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