did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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