Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
