Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
