i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
