chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
