i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
