you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
