I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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