i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
