HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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