I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
