mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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