just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
