My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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