This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize