Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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