the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So much rum. So many feels.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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