i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
