First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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