Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
