I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
